Oh wells, i have to admit that i'm being rather mean to audris...i mean, i admit that i'm treating her a litte differently.Well..i guess it was the jealousless in me again. Damn it. Seen her being so close to Niva now, felt kinda like she dun really need me anymore, as in, Niva's there wif her and stuff... Frankly speaking, i'm really pissed at her for no reason but just becos i see them close. I know i am being extremely selfish, i mean, if i said that if i kinda take her as my best friend, den shdn't i be happy to see my friend happy? Well, i guess i'm only human, i'm not perfect. Cos her happiness didn't come from me, it came from others. It seemed to me that others had made her more happy than i had and i am rather devastated bout that.

Guess she could sense the difference in me ? Have been asking if i felt alrite and stuff. Honey, if u're reading this, i can only say how sorry i am, but really, i really do feel sour at times. I noe i'm selfish, but i really can't control my emotions. I admit, i'm jealous about Niva's appearance between us. I dun hate her, but seriously, i felt "disturbed"...get wad i mean ? Therefore, i think it's rather tough for me to behave normally in front of you.I'm a sensitive person who gets upset over the slightest thing.

U said u wanted to stay back with me in sch to study, i was glad u asked me, it kinda showed u wanted to be wif me? When i found out you actually asked Niva, i was furious. As in...it seems that everything that we do now, she has to come between us ? Erm, get wad i mean ? I dunno if you smelt my sourness, but when u told me that Niva was coming along, i immediately told you that you can study with her instead, wun be staying anymore. Well you asked why, i chose to keep quiet bout it.It was not only these times, even during one of our recess, you asked her to sit with us also. So i really felt that someone is like being put in between us ? and i felt really uncomfortable.

I know Niva's Audris friend and by geetting furious and stuff is really madness and insanity. But i swear i cld not help it, i feel so insecured? I felt that i'm intruding Audris's life and controlling her ? I felt really damn bad. She got her freedom to choose her friends don't she ? I can't expect her to stick to me only ? Well, it's not only towards her that i felt this way...yoona too. Sometimes i see her so close to other pple, i get real annoyed. Well, wad's the damn fucking problem with me ?Oh gosh. I'm so screwed up and paranoid i realised. GROW UP JIABAO!!!!! GROW UP! I'll never get anywhere at this rate. Screwed it.

English sucks, please hope that a MIRACLE will happen and that i'll be able to pass. I'm not demanding for grades with flying colours, all that i'm asking for now is to pass my English.

Gosh, damn it, i really hate myself. I'm a selfish, horrible, apprehensive, paranoid and innane person.

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Sighs...took my english paper todae. Shd be happy that one paper is done, but i'm not!
Why ? Cos i'm so worried that i'm gonna fail!! My gosh, it's gonna take up 30% of our end of year leh!
The next half year i really gotta work HARD like SHIT!~

Sneezing like hell rite now.....nose dropping out soon. Rubbing my eyes like anything..my back aching like mad also...
oh no.....surely, these are not symptoms of sars? -.-'okok...better go...can't take it already.nitey

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Lalalala...Came home early todae...nv stay back in sch or anything. =)Had PE in the morning...enjoyed it damn a lot. Guess this was the only PE which i really really enjoyed, whereas the rest were just ok. Played rugby todae...was taught the thrasing technique. Before we were taught, kanna punched by Amelia! Ass her...ahahas... she didn't noe i was behind and her elbow directly hit my eye! *OUCH!* So when we were taught the thrasing or tackling technique, i was mainly aiming for her! AHAHA! She kanna thrased quite a few times...haha. In the end, the score was 4-5. My grp won! YAY! =D

Got my thermometer todae...ahaha...so fun! Keep on taking my temperature till i think i irritated some of my friends, cos it kept beeping!Anyway, cld u believe it ? It's FINALLY Mr Tan's last day todae...muahahaha...and wad does that means ? It means that Ms Yue's coming back! Lalala. Well, guess I'll kinda miss him though, but oh well, i wun really care anyway, i only want Ms Yue back.

It's holiday tomolo, so happy, dying for a rest, and also becos, i haven't got anymore money to spend, so yeah, i'm glad to stay home. Well, it's also becos i want to study for my english and other subjects. English's on Fridae! Gosh...so scared so scared so scared. Actually, i'm prepared to fail english and i'm gonna pass my 5 other subjects, so yeah, really gotta work hard. Better pray tht i haf the determination, otherwise i'm really gonna be so damn dead.

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Was walking towards the bus stop...den saw this very familiar shirt..noticed immediately that it was ms yue...was so happy and excited..."Joyce!!!! Ms Yue!!!" Ahaha...think i said too loud, cos at that moment, she turned and i was waving frantically at her!

Ms Yue: * tired smile* Y so late still haven't go home ?
Me: Oh we had tuition
Ms Yue: Oh i see...
***silence*** ---> Waited for the bus in silence
Then we boarded the bus, she sat behind and we sat somewhere infront.

We alighted the bus, dropped off at the same stop. Was at the traffic junction where we met again. Drizzling lightly...

Ms Yue: *smiles* How come u alight at this stop one?
Me: *Grining* Huh ? Haha, wad u mean by hoq come? Cos i live in blk 14? This is the way for me to walk wad...ahahas, then u think wad? I wanna trail you izzit ?
Ms Yue: *Laughs*, rolled eyes. U live in St. George's izzit ?
Me: Yep. Just came out from school?
Ms Yue: Yep, we had meeting wad.
Me: Hoe come just now i nv see you? I was going tuition den later i saw Mrs Lee they all all come out liao...
Ms Yue: Oh i was still inside i think
Me: So slow...ahahas..Mrs Lee they all were all waiting there.
Ms Yue: Yep, she was waiting for me.
Me: Orh.
Ms Yue: Eaten you dinner yet?
Me: Nope
Ms Yue: Wah...den u can tahan ah?
Me: Of cos, i'm STRONG!
Ms Yue: *laughs* wadever...
Me: You also haven't eat yet wad...still say me?
Ms Yue: Aiayh...i nvm already lah, i'm old already
Me: "Picks up ear" Wah!!!! Ms yue!!! U finally admitted u're old!!!! So rare!!!
Ms Yue:*Laughs*, roll eyes again Yeah yeah yeah...getting old
Me: Hmm...u're coming back on Fridae already rite ?
Ms Yue: Erm...yeah, i'll be back on fridae
Me: Yay!!! Hahaha...so happy!
Ms Yue: *smiling* Why ?
Me: *shy* *grining* You shd noe why wad!
Ms Yue: Wad? I dunno! Why?
Me: Cos Mr Tan can't teach!
Ms Yue: *Laughing*, *covering her ears* I never hear anything i never hear anything!
Me: Ahahas, ya very funny! U heard everything!
Ms Yue: *Indignantly* No! I never hear anything! Anyway, u're walking there rite? Ok...i'm turning there, so bye!
Me: Okie...i know u heard everything. =p Cya tomolo, bye!
Ms Yue: Smiles and wave.

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Lalala...it's another day todae, well think today's quite okie...
Had e.maths test todae...pretty ok i guess.
Dunno why, quite cheerful todae, so unlike my usual self
Not that all my problems were solved or wad,
Somehow, was just feeling light hearted *smiles*
Hmm...realised that if i can't pass my english
I'll haf to pass 5 other subjects.
Let's see... history, chinese, literature? chemistry ? social studies counted? E.maths?
So scary...trying damn hard not to think too much
Hmm, guess tht'll be all for now ?
Nitey dearies.

Oh btw, wrote two songs yesterdae and today.

To Tell You How Sorry I Am

I could do anything for you
Even if it means to get the star
U've always wanted up there
Someone i called my beloved friend
To think that you can't even
Do such a simple thing for me
I'm begining to feel jaded

I'm in doubt
Maybe it all began too soon
There's paranoia in each of us
Always feeling so sensitive
Ending in an eccentric state

ChorusTo tell you how sorry i am
Would only be a phone call away
Guess i just wasn't thinking bout you
You shd haf known me better
It ain't easy to supress my pride
To tell you how sorry i am
Even though i was the one at fault

I could do anything for you
Even if it means to get the star
U've always wanted up there
Someone i called my beloved friend
To think that you can't even
Do such a simple thing for me
I'm begining to feel jaded


You never told me how you felt
When thing goes wrong i get blamed
We're running avoiding contact
Is this how it's gonna be in the future

Chorus

I'm waiting and you're waiting
Are we really gonna wait
Till it's too late
To start regretting bout things we've done
It's the past you're looking at
Before you knew it it's only the beginning

Chorus
__________________________________

Finally flying

I wanna fly far beyond reach
I'm gonna soar high up and away
It's gonna take me sometime
To see this faint ray of light
When i finally saw it
I got weighed down so mcuh sooner
I shd haf actually expected it

I knew it ain't easy to fly
I'm learning to balance next
Gotta get my techniques right
Not taking anymore chances
To get teased by others again
For my senseless thoughts
Won't fall from the sky again

Chorus
I'm finally flying I'm soaring high
Over and across the obstacles between us
I'm no longer afraid no long jaded
I've found the right path that belongs to me
Nothing shall ever weigh me down again
I'm finally flying i'm soaring high

Yes i know it's tough
Especially when i'm expecting so much from you
But nothing's gonna stop me right now

It ain't easy being me too
Especially since it's so easy to fall for you
So i'm taking a step at a time
Learning each and everytime i fell
No more failures this time round

Chourus

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Colourblind - Darius
Feelin' blue, while I'm trying to forget the feeling that I miss you
Feelin' green, when the jealousy swells and it won't go away in dreams

Feelin' yellow, I'm confused inside
A little hazy but mellow when I feel your eyes on me

Feelin' fine! Sublime!
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Oh oh

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind

You make me colour blind


Feelin' red, when you spend all your time with your friends and not me instead
Feelin' black, when I think about all the things that I feel I lack
Feelin' jaded, when it's not gone right
All the colours have faded, then I feel your eyes on me

Feelin' fine! Sublime!
When that smile of yours creeps into my mind

Mm mm

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind


You make me colour blind


Blinded by the light you shine, the colours fade completely
Blinded by you every time, I feel your smile defeat me

I'm colour blind

I just can't deny this feeling

Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind


Nobody told me you'd feel so good
Nobody said you'd be so beautiful
Nobody warned me about your smile
You're the light, you're the light
When I close my eyes
I'm colour blind


You make me colour blind


I'm colour blind

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Damn Pek Chek now, doing maths a moment ago, cldn't get the bleedy damn answers though i cracked my brains like siao. Now my brains and my head hurts more than anything, swirling like a mad thingi...arghx! At this rate, how can i say i like maths when i can't get the answers everytime?! It's soooooo irritating, i swear it is. Exams are coming nearer, finally able to feel the stress now, *relieved*, but it's a terrible feeling though.

Really feeling horrible now...spinning spinning...arghx, i hate maths

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