| troubled. dunno wad to do. lost. confused. depressed. devastated. failure. loser. sucker. disappointer.
got back prelim results alr... they're like damn rotten, the worst i've ever gotten in my while entire life. Luckily the no. 9 has yet to appear in my life... i felt so thrashed... it's like pple who used to did much worse than me all did so well k ? man. and i probably got among the last in cls. forget bout being the last. so wad? i can't even get a 4 for e.maths. i got a 5. bloody hell, thot i cld get a 3 at least? but wad? it nv came, guess maths just had something against me. rite. even cecilia beat me. much better. wad's she gonna think ? think i'm really gonna appear a loser rite before her eyes. damn it. and i flunk all my humanities wif bright flying colours. dead i am. got back report card todae. flunk 3 subjects out of 5. aren't i great? sure i am. aggregate? 29. byebye jc. byebye poly. ITE here i come. i'm the ultimate sore loser. everyone's probably gonna look dead down on me nw. so? i look down on myself too. i wish that my friends cld be here for me more. though i noe they are and always will be, but i need more of their support. i need more of these. i feel that rite nw i need to be really pushed... i need the care and concern, i need the support. evon, thanks for calling up to show tht u care, yanhan, thanks too. edrea and audris, nt forgetting to mention u. i noe my friends are there for me, but somehw, i feel lonely, i feel empty, i feel that i'm alone... i feel that i'm falling... really... something in me is killing me. everydae i go to school nw, i dragged my feet in unison. i am utterly discouraged, utterly disillusioned, utterly fearful of wad's awaiting me nxt and when i come home, i am alone, wif books as company.i feel that everyone is sch is looking at me wif coloured eyes nw... it may nt haf been true, as u noe, i think too much, too sensitive, but this is hw i feel, and i'm darn miserable inside. i do nt blame god for my dismal results, i noe i deserved it too. this is the price i wld haf to pay if i had chosen this path. i believed that god had alr been very lenient to me by allowing this kinda marks. nt good it is but at least it isn't that bad. i'm really gonna treat this as an expensive lesson learned. i was told tht if i prayed hard, god wld answer my prayer. over this few days, i felt i've grown very spiritual. i noe and understand that praying alone wldn't help me, wldn't do the job alone. prayers wld only be answered for those who had tried their best and put in the effort. rite nw, i need support from my friends...whoever noes and comes across this, pls, motivate me, stimulate me to study... i really felt like i'm at the end of the world, alone. I feel so trapped. i'm telling myself to put in all my effort, i cannot be pulled down and defeated by the devils again. i must be strong, god pls help me fight the devils in me, pls, i noe i need u noe, really, and i noe that u'll hear me and help me. god... pls... i wun let myself be defeated, but u got to help me in a wae or another. i'll fight till the end. i need you god. |